I have to share this thought that has been running through my head.
Wedding vs Home
Inspired partially from home shows, also partially from people I know. The young newly married, rather soon to be married, couple. They “must” have the big wedding, they “must” have the new home, that has been fully updated, and ready for them to move in without a single alteration. Yet the idea of compromise just never seems to be an answer, or if it does exist, the focus is really screwed up. Typically if there is compromise, it is not on the over the top wedding, they oddly make that compromise on the home. The wedding lasts several hours tops, the home hopefully will be with them longer than a few hours, right? Ok, sure in many cases the new couple have someone else footing the bill for the wedding, but not all of them.
Another thought I have on the wedding that “needs” to be over the top… is this their last hoorah? How often do you see the couple who had these big weddings end up scraping by for years? In many other cases the big wedding also ends up in divorce, seems there is a connection, the more money spent on the wedding relates to sooner divorce. Perhaps because the relationship was built on uneven ground to start with,with that needy, spoiled bride who has to have it all vs the groom who eventually realizes he only has so much to give.
Priorities & Feminism
So why do couples have such an issue with prioritizing these parts of their lives. They put so much focus on that One Day, vs their lives ahead.. and on so many levels, not just the home vs wedding, but on their relationship. This is not a new story… this has been going on for a long time. I think we can look back and see where divorce became more common, and it does blend perfectly with feminism. As we expand the problem further we can see the evolution of weddings became more and more focused on the bride, and what she wants.
I found a chart that shows that divorce trend: (from the University of MD) Divorce rates are tapering off, slightly, but notice the dramatic change since the 1970s.
This also is very telling… more female heads of household, more divorce…
Note (Wikipedia)
The second wave (1960s-1980s) was concerned with gender inequality in laws and culture
We can look at the feminist movement as a huge part of the problem that has led to the self-focus people are plagued with. Weddings are just one of those many facets. This extends from home to work place and infects everywhere in between. But this can ooze into a whole other conversation.
Back to the subject… Think of some of the shows over the past several years, they all focused on outrageous, obnoxious, spoiled brides… extravagant weddings… basically superficial, phony, and overkill weddings.
Dreams or Nightmares?
Most little girls dream of a grand wedding day, I was perplexed by the traditions that people felt the need to include, yet with out a clue why they would jump through those hoops. I continue to be perplexed by choices people make, and their priorities. I see people still embracing old wedding photos, specifically what they looked like on that day. Yet when I see most people’s wedding photos I can not help but think how it looks nothing like them, they are basically in costume, playing a part that does not connect to anything in their life (past, present or future). I wish weddings were more about the couple, rather than being a dog & pony show, or a runway & spotlight for the bride. Instead the focus is on the show they can perform for their guests, the desire to be the center of attention, having an elaborate event, and other superficial things. Very few weddings have I ever seen were otherwise.
Personal Points
When my husband and I chose our first home, we were also looking to get married. We opted to put what money we had toward what expenses we would have for our new home (refrigerator, washer, dryer, moving expenses, etc), vs an expensive party. We went away just the two of us to get married, and have a wonderful marriage. Our focus was on long-term, vs that One Day.
I think back to weddings I was in or to be in. One event, the morning of the wedding day, I was told I was no longer in the wedding. The bride did not talk to me again. I never found out why. Another event, after the wedding the bride told me she could not be friends with me anymore because I was single and her husband thought I would taint her. Mind you, I worked several jobs, did/do no drink/smoke or party… but it was simply because I was single, and even though the groom knew me too, he demanded she not interact with single women. I never had contact with them again.
My theory, There seems to be a disease that affects the mind of a bride! Is it spending all that money, being the center of attention and some how breaking free of reality? Actors tend to have a complete disconnect, maybe there is some form of correlation there?
The financial part always intrigues me too, as I witnessed another gal who the 6 months following her wedding, the couple were hitting tons of concerts, making many trips.. but then claims they are broke. Yet her and her spouse both work, they do not have a house payment, they save even more since they do not have her place to pay for now that they are married. The wedding was paid for by her parents. So how in the span of 6 months did they become so broke? Oh right.. the traveling, concerts, and spending like they had a blank check to live off of.
Truly there is a disease that affects brides, don’t ya think?
